the condom got lost in my hair
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize