Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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