I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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