Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
