Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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