You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
