I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
