I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
