You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
