my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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