I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
