Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
