Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
