I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
