Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
