That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
