You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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