Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
