But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize