Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
