heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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