By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Two words: blizzard sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
