we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
