haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
