Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
