I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
