I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
