Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
