my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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