So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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