Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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