Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize