Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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