he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
