Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
