Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
