dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
