If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
