I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
