i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
