How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
