Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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