He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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