just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the day after is always just damage control
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
