nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found your dick twin last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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