There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we made out on top of his cat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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