im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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