I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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