i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
