we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
