'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
