Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
