I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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