well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
