Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
