If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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