one two three fourrrrnication!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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