you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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