Sponge bath it is.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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