Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
