She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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