This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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