I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
