She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
