You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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