I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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