i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
