Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
