I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
