With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Randomize
