It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Panties = found
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
