I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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